Advent Calendar
by Swiss With A Gun
Summary: Twenty-five chapters about Mello and Matt's antics in December as they count down to Christmas. It's not the gifts that matter to Mello, it's all the chocolate you get! Madness ensured, this fiction is a little crazy! :D T for language. Death Note crack. "Psst! I might'a updated!"
1. 1st December

**Authors Note: OMMAMG! (oh my Matt and Mello God) I completely forgot that I was going to write this! I came up with the idea on around the 3rd or 4th of December whilst I was nomming chocolate. Most of this is edited from real-life or dream experiences (yes, I dream about Death Note characters, usually doing strange things with cake, potato chips and chocolate (not apples, I don't like Ryuk for some reason...). This will be a 25 chapter fiction. I aim to upload quickly and try and finish before christmas, but that probably won't happen. Also, I am listening/listened to Linkin Park and Green Day's oldest albums whilst typing this so beware...**

**If you can, every time chocolate is mentioned, nom chocolate. :D**

_1st December 2010 (2013 in anime)_

"Meeeeeeelllllllloooooooooooo ooooooo!" Matt squeaked in an annoying voice that was bound to piss just about anyone off.

"Whaaaaaaat, Maaaaatttttttt?!" A half-asleep Mello replied from the other side of the appartment.

"Don't you know what today is?" Matt gasped, shocked, he really thought that Mello would remember such a significant date.

"Errrr... Nope... Nothing. What is it?"

"1st December" Matt replied simply, he wasn't a conversational person at the best of times.

"OMG! I KNOW!" Mello yelled, seeming to forget that the Japanese police were looking for them. Matt silently celebrated, not wanting to postpone his boss battle any longer, "We have to get rid of our 'Movemebers' don't we :D" Matt just sighed in reply. The nineteen and almost twenty year olds walked into the relatively large bathroom to shave off their positively ridiculous moustaches, they looked slightly like the gocompare,com guy, but one was blonde and looked like a cross-dressing circus-freak, and the other looked slightly like a stripe-loving swimmer with a serious gaming and smoking addiction. Once their amazing moustaches had been shaved off, the two exited the bathroom.

"What I was _going_ to say," Matt continued from the conversation. "was that today is the first of December, and therefore, the first day of the chocolate advent calendar that you look forward to every year." matt whisked out a giant, and I really do mean _giant_ calendar with foot long bars of chocolate. December 13th and December 25th had huge chocolates, at least three foot long _and_ wide, as well as being a good inch thick. Mello jumped with joy, eyes sparkling, he pulled his goggled friend into a rather awkward hug, almost choking him with his super-awesome-Mello-death-hug-reserved-for-friends-only-when-they-do-something-really-awesome.

"Happy December 1st, Matt. Thanks." Mello said, breaking the awkward hug.

"Don't worry about it, it was nothing." The goggle-loving gamer grinned.

**1 down, 24 to go!**

**Please type into the box below a review, flames are cool with me. To quote Paramore, 'Let The Flames Begin'. You have to review if you've read this on the 13th December or the 1st February because the 13th is Mello's birthday, and the 1st is Matt's and my awesome friend Gemma's birthday :D Reviews mean quicker updates, and better ones, too.**


	2. 2nd December

Chapter Two: Treasure Hunt

**I will definitely finish this by christmas, I will do better than my best to give you a slice of MxM goodness as well later on, that is a promise to my reviewers and readers.**

**Don't own death note, never will.**

"WHOOOO TOOOK MY CHOOOOCOOOLAAAATEEE!" Came a screeching yell from the apartment that a certain brown (NOTE **B-R-O-W-N**) -haired nineteen year old and a blonde, cross-dressing, almost twenty year old with the attitude of a teenage girl were sharing. "MATT! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

"Your chocolate has not been taken, it is hidden, today, you'll have to find your chocolate." Matt passed his blonde friend a note and walked out of the apartment. Just minutes later, Mello heard the roar of Matt's super-awesome-car-with-a-whole-lotta-attitude-and-red-paint driving up the road at breakneck speeds. Mello half sighed, half growled as he opened the paper, reading it's contents...

_Over 6 hours later..._

'Go back to where you started and look in my drawer.' It read. Mello followed it to the letter, his craving was worse than ever before, and he was doing the splits every five minutes, because _everyone_ on Death Note has peculiar withdrawal symptoms... Mello yanked the drawer open furiously and grabbed the note inside;

_'This is the last note._

_Your chocolate is with me in my car, you have three hours to catch up with me. I even took the liberty of bugging my car to make it easier for you. Make sure you get there on time or your chocolate will be doomed. A bit like Mario, really. I'm Bowser, you are the lovesick Mario, and this lovely bar of chocolate is Peach... wow... that sounds weird... Anyway, open up the laptop, read my location and come there via your motorbike that I definitely have never ridden because you told me not to :)_

_Love,_

_Matt-io :D'_

Mello fumed, he had been here for hours, running on a flipping _quarter_ of a bar of his heavenly chocolate, and now he was told that Matt had his chocolate! He thought that it was the law or something that you get 24hours to save the day, but no, he got fucking THREE! And that bugger had ridden his bike, that should be illegal, although the number of times he'd 'borrowed' Matt's super-awesome-car-with-a-whole-lotta-attitude-and-red-paint and it had come back looking a little worse for wear were high...

Mello grabbed the laptop from Matt's bed and wrenched it open, looking at the co-ordinates as to where his gamer friend was. He cast them in his mind and sprinted out of the door, jumping off of the balcony from their seventh-floor flat without getting so much as a scratch, unlike the first time he'd tried this impressive feat. That hadn't gone well at all. He ran to the garage and moments later came out with a two-way-mirror visor helmet and a really awesome motorbike, but nowhere near as awesome as Matt's super-awesome-car-with-a-whole-lotta-attitude-and-red-paint. He revved the throttle and shot forward, before long, he was cruising down a motorway, zipping in between cars. he would truly do _anything_ for his chocolate, even if it meant squeezing his awesome-but-not-as-awesome-as-Matt's-super-awesome-car-with-a-whole-lotta-attitude-and-red-paint motorbike through tiny gaps. he took a left intersection and sped away until he reached a warehouse.

As he walked inside, he slipped on something sticky, but was able to regain his balance before he was humiliated, he sighed with relief as he made his way through the warehouse, listening for the telltale clicking of Matt's DS Lite. Mello stared at the floor as he walked. Was that? Blood? He took a step back and pointed a flashlight at the red patch, that was blood, no doubt about it.

"M-Matt... Where are you? Are you... okay...?" Mello was scared, not for himself, but for the safety of his friend. He saw more of the sticky substance that he had encountered earlier, and upon closer inspection, he realised that it was crimson strawberry jam. Mello's face paled. He shone his flashlight forward a few more meters. He froze. He had seen Matt. He had a cigarette in his mouth and his hands were, as always, glued to his game. His body looked like it had been put through a grater and his blood was everywhere. His goggles lenses were shattered. Jam was around him, mixing with his blood. The prophesied bar of chocolate was also in his hand. His eyes held no emotion and his hair was matted with his blood.

"MATT!" Mello yelled, feeling tears form in his eyes. He ran over to his friend, holding him tight, trying to find his first-aid pack, damn, he'd left it in a rush. "Matt, I'm so sorry, you were like my friend, little brother and... boyfriend all in one. I have nobody now..." When the tears fell from his eyes, he let them fall.

"Hehe, you could be best buddies with Near, you know. That'd be great for you." Matt laughed loudly, tears in his eyes. He was now sitting up next to a bewildered mello, laughing his head off with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Wha- Matt... WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD, YOU BASTARD!" Mello enveloped his friend in a hug, not seeing the bright blush on his face as he did so. they stayed like that, inhaling each other's familiar scent until Mello was handed a slightly-bigger-than-usual bar of chocolate by a blushing Matt, whom was thinking that his stunt would make an excellent blackmail video when he downloaded the night-vision camera recordings onto his computer. he laughed, Kira-styleee. Mello blanked him, as he was currently in his chocolate-withdrawal-splits-position.

"Don't think I'm going to let you pretend this never happened, Marshmello-kun! :D"

Mello turned around and sulked like a PMS-ing teen, still painfully doing the splits in his _tight, leather_ trousers...

**Hehe, I had to put that in. It must be painful kicking anywhere above your waist in the clothes that Mello wears. I am thinking about doing a fanfic about Matt being killed by the incredibly awesome and scarily good-looking BB. That would be... interesting... i was listening to Rancid at the end of this, so that's why it got so angsty and sad D: **

**I put hints of yaoi in this one, there should be more and more hints until the 13th and the 25th, which will be the rabid fangirls' favourite chapters :D This is a good 500 words longer than last chapter, so I deserve a review for my hard work.**

**For a Marshmello, a Matt-io and a MxM plush, please review, this is going to be getting better and better, I promise.**


	3. 3rd December

**Chapter three – Mazes, sleep and sheep**

**Authors Note: Hello again, people of the inhabited Death Note fanficton world. After that rather sad chapter, I bring to you another funny one... I hope *bites lip nervously* You guys, please review, because I really want to continue this, but with no input from my readers, I run out of ideas, so if everyone reviews and just gives me a fraction of an idea, then it'll get better and better, I promise. Oh, and warning, I'm listening to Rancid again :D**

**Nope, still don't own Death Note D":**

When your alarm clock goes off at 2.30am, you know that you are going to be as pissed as a PMSing teen on crack. Such happened for everyone's favourite transvestite from Death Note, Mihael Keehl. In mere seconds, the alarm clock was in tiny little pieces were a rather angry blonde had smashed his fist down onto it. Despite always looking amazing in his tight (and painful to do the splits in) clothes, Mello needed his beauty sleep, as well as his foundation and guy-liner, because natural beauty just doesn't exist any more. Mello sat up in his bed and reached for his make up box, quickly applying some of the chemical-formula-that-kills-your-skin-and-gives-you-spots to his face. He was pretty sure that he was going to murder Matt in the most gruesome and painful way possible for setting his alarm clock _five hours_ before his routine wake-up. he sighed and looked around the room, but he couldn't see Matt's sleeping form in his bed. Mello frowned and felt a sharp chop to the back of his head. He sunk into unconsciousness...

_When Mello wakes up... (Mello POV)_

Where the hell am I?

"You are inside a labyrinth." came a voice from my ear, I spin around and see nobody, but I can feel a small device in my ear. "I can see and hear everything you do, and I will be putting out traps to make sure that you don't reach the end of the maze, where a precious treasure is to be found." The voice said again.

"This is you, isn't it Matt...?" I sigh, he's supposed to be a genius as well, after all, we went to an orphanage for genii. But he didn't use a voice scrambler for his very individual voice. because he smokes and doesn't talk a lot, he's quiet and slightly raspy, he has a slight English accent (we're in Japan, so that's a big give away) and I've spent years with him in Wammy's, so I think that I know what he sounds like, what an idiot...

"...Yeah... it's me, my-choccy-covered-marsh-Mello-ey-friend. Get to the end of the maze and you get your chocolate." With this, I set off at a sprint, almost running into a wall when I got to a dead-end. What. the. hell. There were no other exits, this is the only way that I could go. Upon further examination, the wall shimmered a little, what if it was a 3D projection?! Looking _slightly_ mentally retarded, I ran at the wall at full-speed like Harry Potter in those movies that Matt forced me to watch. I went straight through the projection, and almost fell down a fucking huge hole!

_Matt's POV_

I watch the screen as i see Mello spontaneously decide that the huge hole was just a projection, and he walked straight over it. Or, that's what would've happened, if it _was _a projection. I can't help but laugh as Mello falls down the hole, he'll hate me, but falling down that hole is the shortcut to the end. I turn my head around and look at another monitor, this must be what Kira feels like, playing with his victims. I dismiss the thought immediately and continue to watch Mello attempt to fight off a big, fat, grey rat with a chocolate wrapper as he squeals like a girl. Whoops, I kinda forgot about his fear of rats...

Mello runs down the corridor at breakneck speeds, which is what he will do if he doesn't slow down, if he goes any faster, he'll run into a wa- Uh oh, too late...

Eventually, Mello makes his way around the maze whilst developing fears of knives, fire, water, lions and... carrots? I don't even know why he is no scared of carrots, there were no carrots in the maze, but when he got into his scary withdrawal symptoms, he started mumbling about giant carrots eating his hear and dying it pink... how they died it pink _after_ eating his hair, I have no clue...

Anyway, now Mello has his chocolate, and I am dead meat once he realises that the wrapper is filled with concrete. I glance at the monitor...

Oh, _craaaap._

**Any reviewers, please continue to review, I beg you. I'm gonna be updating a hell of a lot quicker now, I'll be updating at school from now on.**

**Any readers whom don't review... please review, I have a certain black book in my palms... it is... my hardback copy of kingdom of the wicked by Derek Landy, and it's fricking awesome!**

**Reviews?**


	4. 4th December

**Chapter Four – Absolutely normal chocolate, I swear!**

**Hello again, this is my THIRD update of this story today. I have even put all my other stories on hold just for this story! This one will have some more comedy in it, but it is planned to be rather short, I'll try and lengthen it as much as I can though :D**

**DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN**

Mello rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he stood up, bare feet tapping along the cold wood floor. He grabbed his pair of slightly-matted, but still slightly-fluffy bunny slippers that Matt had got him the birthday before he left the orphanage. The once-blue slippers were somewhat... trashed – Mello had been in a high-speed pursuit with these slippers, and they had been serving him well ever since. Mello padded along the floor until he reached his huge advent calendar. he pulled on the third door and reached inside for the huge chocolate bar. Matt walked up to him.

"I've made it easy for you today, you don't need to run around a maze today!" Matt stated simply whilst Mello cheered.

"Wait, you're absolutely sure that I need to do nothing to get this, right? I won't wake up a hundred years later as Kira's pet, right?" he queried, moving the chocolate to his mouth, but not yet devouring it.

"It'll be fine, Mihael-chan! It's absolutely normal, plain, cheap-quality chocolate."

"What? Cheap...?" Mello seemed confused. Matt just laughed.

"Honestly, I thought that everyone knows that the cheaper chocolate is, the more sweet and non-chocolately it is... Just how you like it, ne?"

"Yeah, i guess so, but you're sure that it won't... like... turn me into a frog or anything?"

"Awh! If it does, I'll be glad to kiss you to bring you back to normal 3!" Matt said, gamer-cute as always. You could practically see the Edward Cullen sparkles and the heart in his speech.

"Hehe, I guess I'll be fine. definitely normal?"

"Goddamn it, It's absolutely normal chocolate, I _swear_!" Matt did a funny thing, halfway between a laugh and a giggle. Mello split open the wrapper and smelt it, the bar smelt like cinnamon and oranges, traditional christmas smells.

"WHOA! Smells good, Matt! Where did you get it from?!" he yelped excitedly, unable to wait any longer to dive his teeth into the amazing looking and smelling chocolate and devouring it whole.

"I'll tell you after you eat it." Matt stated bluntly, coming back into character. Mello stuffed it in his mouth, uncaring about the mess around his mouth, Matt sighed and went into the kitchen to get a moist paper towel. When he came back...

Mello was lying on the floor, eyes bulging, chocolate wrapper on the floor.

"Well, I won't be making chocolate again..."

**How funny was it? I liked writing this one :D**

**MattxMello banners and signed autobiographies of them for everyone who reviews! 3!**


	5. 5th December

**Chapter Five – Cooking with the Wammy's boys!**

**Hell yeah! Fourth update today! I loved writing the last one so much, I'm doing another cooking-style one! I had no clue how to make chocolate, so I google-d it :D**

"Okay, first we have to roast the beans." Matt stated calmly, although he was assuming that this was going to go wrong after his last attempt at chocolate making...

"WHAT!" The blonde yelled, "There's _beans_ in chocolate! I HATE BEANS!" He then muttered something after that sounded like 'I'm scared of them, too.' that or he said 'I need my mushroom to go rape Near.' ...It was one of those two, anyway.

"They're cocoa beans, Mello. We'll take 100g of them and put them on this roasting pan like so," Matt pointed at things that Mello needed to press, unsurprisingly, he never used the kitchen, and instead let Matt cook, using the excuse 'You are my biatch, deal with it.'. "Roast these at 400 degrees for five minutes, then five to ten minutes at 250 degrees, this is how you change the temperature, I'll be back in twenty minutes, Pokémon Black and White 2 have come out today, and I want to get Genesect. Get rid of the shells after separate them into insides and outsides, throw the outsides away. Bye" Matt left, and Mello could hear his super-awesome-car-with-a-whole-lotta-attitude-and-red-paint tearing up the road in all it's glory.

_Twenty minutes later_

Matt thought that Mello would do a better job than him at making chocolate, but... well, he kinda didn't. Matt had overcooked them, but Mello seemed to believe that cooking them was a good thing, and he roasted them so much that they _exploded_.

Not trying to make it sound worse than it was, they really did actually explode. How the hell could _cocoa beans_ be roasting and flipping _explode_?! Matt was not amused, and roasted some spare ones, making sure that he didn't over-do them. He quickly got rid of the outsides by putting them into a bag, grabbing a mallet and going into the small patch of garden that belonged to them... and he smashed them up, luckily, he had his trusty goggles with him, so a flying bean didn't make him go blind. That would've been embarrassing, loosing an eye due to a flying cocoa bean. **(the site that I was on actually said to wear goggles to do this :D)**

Matt and Mello successfully ground the cocoa beans with a pepper grinder, because who cares if a bar of chocolate is _slightly_ pepper-y... The nineteen-year-olds heated a mortar and a pestle to 'conch' their cocoa ground stuff, basically, they bashed it, Mello wearing a spare pair of goggles to not loose an eye from a flying cocoa bean. They then melted the chocolate to 256 Fahrenheit, matt said that you had to heat it to _at least_ 110 Fahrenheit, and the more the merrier, right? Once they had a runny texture, they poured it onto a stone slab and got rid of any lumps, then they took an ice cube mold and filled the whole thing with chocolate to create the look of a chocolate bar. the rest of the chocolate was made into smaller molds and put in the refrigerator.

A few hours later, they took them out of the cooling machine and each took a smaller chocolate and tried it.

"OMG! MATTIKINS! THIS IS AMAZING 3 OMG! OMG! OMG! LIKE THIS IS, LIKE AMAZING! INNIT!"Mello squeaked in a chocolate frenzy. Matt was grinning from ear-to-ear in his cute gamer way. Three minutes later, they were both on the cold floor.

"Whoops, I put the ingredient from last time in again..."

"Uggghhhhh... Maaaaaaattttttt... you iddiiiioooottt..."

**Hehe they've been poisoned from Matt's cooking twice now. Hehe.**

**Reviews mean even faster updates, better updates, and looonger updates. (And more MxM 3)**


	6. 6th December

**Chapter Six – Me and the true meaning of fetish**

**I thought of this one whilst writing the chapter and decided to use that instead. Next chapter will be chocolate mathematics. I'm still listening to Rancid, as with every chapter :D**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, I wouldn't be broke...**

"G'morinin', Matt." Mello yawned furiously, running a hand through his hair. When he got no response from his late-night-gaming friend, he promptly kicked his bed, trying to awaken the sleepy brunette.

"Whadd'ya want, Mells, I've been up against a world champion on _Dead or Alive Dimensions_ since midnight, and I didn't finish a single round until tw-two in the morning. There were five rounds..." he gave a massive yawn and buried his head under the covers. "I wo-won though..." Mello could hear his friend falling back asleep. He yanked the covers off of Matt and hit a bongo next to his ear.

"Get up!" Mello yelled in his ear.

"OUCH! Since when did we have a bongo, Mellow-Yellow?"

"Since you tried to play _Rockband_ with real instruments. In case you don't remember correctly, it failed. It wasn't even an epic fail. It just failed. FULL. STOP." Mello stated, in his 'I-haven't-had-any-chocolate-so-fuck-the-hell-off' mode.

"Mello... I-I have something to ask y-you..." Matt flushed as tense but happy music played in the background. "Y-you see... um... I'd like to know... why did you state your punctuation when you spoke?" The music cut off abruptly.

"I said full stop because I was proving my point, that's all." Mello's heart was going so fast he thought that it'd explode and splatter all over his chocolate stash.

"One other thing, Mello, do you have a fetish for chocolate?"

"Well... DUH!" He paused for ages to build suspense, but failing epically "...Yes."

"B-but on my computer, when you press F12, a widgets thing comes up, and if you search fetish into the search bar on the dictionary widget, it says that definition one is 'an inanimate object worshipped for it's supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit'."

"Well," Mello sighed " It's definitely not that one, must be the other." Matt jawdropped, teary eyes bulging and sad.

"Definition two 'a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.' Mello..." Matt wailed

"WHAT! No... Matty, shh, please don't cry! It's not that one, either, you forgot about the real second definition, that's the third, the second is 'a course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment'. That's the kind of fetish that I have over my chocolate."

"So... you're calling your chocolate passion somewhat irrational..." Matt had recovered now.

"NO! MR HERSHEY IS A NICE, DELICIOUS, IRRESISTABLE BAR OF CHOCOLATE, MY LOVE FOR HIM IS IN NO WAY IRRATIONAL!"

"FINE! Take your chocolate!" Matt stormed off outside. Mello growled and searched for him. he eventually found him in the local park, sitting up a tree. He was sitting, facing away from Mello, he could see the other boy's hair blowing in the wind, the breeze outlining his figure, showing how thin Matt was. His goggles were off his head and hung from a slightly lower branch. Matt was holding onto a groove in the top of the tree for balance. Mello sighed and climbed up the tree, resting his back against the trunk of the tree. He closed his eyes and felt the wind in his hair, as well as the occasional leaf that fell from the tree. Mello took a bar of chocolate from his pocket and a small pikachu figure. He pressed said figure into his friend's hand.

"I'm sorry... Mail."

**ACK! Sad chapter ending again *sobs like obsessed fangirl* I should be uploading a drawing of the tree scene that I did a while to my DeviantART account, Momo—Hinamori, as well as a drawing of Matt. If you want something drawn by me and you read this, say so in a review and I'll send you a code to message my deviantART account with, then I'll give you a black and white drawing of your choice for just a llama! I do yaoi *nudge nudge***

**Review for art!**


	7. 7th December

**Chaper Seven – Me, Mathematics and Witchcraft**

**YAY! I've wanted to do this one for a while. I doubt this'll be finished by christmas, but, I'll try my best, and I will complete it at some point. You have my word on that. I predict that this one will be kinda _really_ short. Then again, these are only short drabbles, for god's sake!**

**Oh yeah, still don't own Death Note.**

"Mello, look at this." Matt stared at he piece of paper in front of him. he'd printed it off from a kids mathematics site.

"Chocolate maths..." Mello read. He assumed that if you did this maths sum, he would get chocolate. The blonde dashed over to a filing cabinet that he didn't know they had in their apartment and grabbed the first piece of paper he found. He pulled a pen out of seemingly nowhere, and, like with his chocolate, we really don't want to know here he keeps his pen...

"Step one, pick the number of times you eat chocolate in a week, this number must be less than ten and more than one. let's change that to bars per half an hour. That's got to be nine." Matt said as Mello scribbled furiously.

"Multiply by two and add five," Mello mumbled as he followed the instructions. "That's twenty-three."

"Now multiply that by fifty. then add 1750." Matt stated simply. Mello did so and spoke again.

"The answer is 2900. I'm smart! =D"

"Add 12, because that was the last two digits of the year you last had a birthday, then subtract the year you were born, 1992, right?" Mello scribbled furiously for a few minutes whilst Matt pulled out his gameboy and resumed his game of _Pokémon_

"Done it," Mello said after a slight pause. "What's so special about the number 920?"

"The first digit is how many times you eat chocolate in half an hour, the last two is your age."

"What! that's... WITCHCRAFT! LE GASP! BURN THE WITCH!"

"Mello... CRAP! MELLO! WHERE DID YOU GET MY CIGARETTE LIGHTER FROM?! NO! NOT THE COMPUTER, PLEASE, NO! ALL MY HACKING STUFF IS IN THERE!" Matt yelled.

"Burn! Burn! Burn! WIIIITCH!"

"MELLO! WHAT THE HELLARE YOU ON!?"

"...heehee!"

"If you don't give me a straight answer, I swear to Zelda, I'll..."

"...heehee! You said 'Straight'." Mello said in a girly voice.

"HOLY CRAP! MELLO! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU!"

"See... the witchcraft is taking us over already! OH NO! THE MAGIC FAIRIES HAVE TAKEN OVER THE MAGICAL FLYING FRIESS! WHO WILL SAVE THE WORLD NOW?! LE GASPZZZ!"

Mello yelled.

Matt sighed.

Mello tried to fly by jumping out of the window.

Matt sighed.

Mello took his first trip to the psychiatric ward.

Matt sighed.

**Lol that was short. 387 words and probable drug use from Mello there. Hehe, I like writing for this fanfic.**


	8. 8th December

**Chapter Eight – Me, Matt and Video Games**

**A Note From a Depressed Shinigami: I've been reading too many angst fics... I also just found a song to do a Mello one-shot for. Look out for it. It'll be called Last Words or Blast.**

**Here is where I would like to say thank you to my current reviewers, I hope you will all enjoy this chapter;**

**cometgirl2323 (x3)**

**Matt. **

**AshenDeath**

**MoonyWizardWolf**

**Death God2 (x4)**

**Huggles to them all. And if any reviewers want art of Mello and Matt, drawn by yours truly, just give a suggestion in a review! Go to my deviantART for art of Mello and Matt two chapters ago, sitting in that tree. I'm Momo-Hinamori, although I'll probably make another account just for Death Note :D Oh, and join my Death Note fanclub, it's called LNOMS-POCKY**

**Still don't own Death Note, Brain Training, Mensa Academy, All My Life by Foo Fighters, Chelsea Dagger or Guitar Hero Modern Hits, it's a shame.**

**MxMxMxMxMxMxM**

"Mello. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to defeat me in a total of two out of three video games. If you complete this mission, you will receive today's chocolate. Do you accept your mission?" Mail Jeevas, winner of the Awesome, incredibly kawaii and epic brunette award' for ten years in a row said in a serious voice.

"Well _duh_!" Came the voice of a stroppy, blonde teen gi- I mean, _boy_. "Wait. But I get to choose the three games, otherwise..." Mello stopped himself, not wanting to admit what he was going to say.

"Otherwise what...?" Matt said sweetly

"I will never speak that sentence. N-E-V-E-R!"

"Then you don't get your chocolate today. Go on, I _dare_ you." Matt laughed a Kira laugh, but awesome, incredibly kawaii and epic, gamer style.  
"Th-then you'll... be-bea- I CAN'T SAY IT!"

"Go on, Mihael, I'll give you an extra gift today if you do."

"Fine... then you'll be-bea-beat me." Mello said, his head hung in shame.

"Good doggy. Now, first we'll have your choice. Go into the garage and look in the closet for a DS or 3DS game. And... please-Mello-don't-touch-my-car-because-you'll-ruin-it-and-kill-it-and-it's-my-baby-so-please-don't-hurt-my-car-and-I'll-do-anything-for-you-if-you-don't."

"...okay..." Mello left to find a game. When he came back, he looked shocked, he knew that Matt liked video games, but really, _five hundred_ different DS and 3DS games was far too many and he had at least two or three copies of each. He had picked out three with two copies of each. Two games that he could probably beat the goggled teen at, the other, well, that was going to be _interesting_ to say the least...

Matt chucked a spare DS at Mello, game cartridge already inserted.

"First up is Brain Training. I'll allow you to try the game out first so you're not a complete lose- I mean n00b. You have fifteen minutes, I'll be outside. Mello knew that Matt was going outside to have a smoke, that was practically the _only_ time that Matt went outside, but Mello loathed Matt smoking. Whenever he raised this point, Matt replied with a 'With you around, I won't live past thirty, so what does it matter'. He didn't like it when the stripe-loving teen said that. It was far too morbid. Matt was not going to die, he couldn't live with himself if the slightly red-tinted brunette died. Sighing, the blonde began to try the game, he liked it, it was a game for intellects, so he should easily beat the care-free Matt. After all, Matt didn't care about academic achievement, so this would be a cinch. Fifteen minutes later, Matt walked in, smelling of smoke and chewing on a stick of mint gum. His hands went up to his goggles as he adjusted them, then he swept his hair out of his eyes, Mello had seen this before, Matt was officially in gaming mode. Mello grew worried, yes, Matt didn't give a shit about his academic performance, but he did care about video games. Mello was worried that if he beat him, Matt would lose all pride and he would be emotionally scarred. Yes, emotionally scarred over a video game. But there was no going back now. Matt looked like he really hated this game, so maybe Mello could win.

Mello did his brain age test first, and he was given the 'Word Memory' test. he had to remember as many of the thirty words on the screen in the time allocated as possible, then he had to write the ones that he remembered down, he would get a point for each answer. Three minutes later, he was furiously scribbling down stupid words like 'flower' and 'happy'. What gay words. They would now be known as the stupidest words ever. Mello growled at the game as he attempted to scribble out spelling errors, not understanding the meaning and self-explanatory purpose of the 'erase' button...

At the end of it all, he scored twenty-four out of thirty. Mello had a bitchy PMS moment for not getting thirty out of thirty before doing his next test...

After all three tests, he got a twenty-four years old brain age, four years off of the best score. He felt like he was flying around, so happy he was a balloon made of helium. Then Matt did his test...

"Twenty." He said calmly, moving his head as to not be hit by an incoming DS being thrown by a very angry blonde. The truth was, matt knew that if you held down the select button and pressed 'Brain Age Check', you could choose the tests you were best at. It was a widely known Easter egg, but not for n00bs like Mello. Matt chuckled as he grabbed the flying DS before it crashed to the ground. he inserted the next game to play and chucked the DS back at Mello. matt knew no Easter eggs for this one, so Mello with his 'superior intellect' would probably win this round. Matt and Mello switched on each DS **(note; They both have a 3DS)** and selected the test.

_Five minutes later_

"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS! WHAT THE HELL! THEY'RE ALL SHAPES IN A FUCKING LINE! WHAT BASTARD CAME UP WITH THAT IDEA?!" Came a yell from Mello, then a understanding 'Oooooh, I get it now'. It was a shape sequence. Four-year old kids do shape sequences...

Mello breezed through the anagrams without a blink of an eye, the mathematics problems were harder, especially the weight ones, which he just left and skipped. The number sequences were easier than the picture sequences for the leather-clad blonde, even though the general population went against that. but hell, Mello was all for being the minority.

_Ten minutes later_

"Done." Stated Mello and Matt at the same time. They pressed submit and waited for their results.

"I got 146, you?" The awesome, incredibly kawaii and epic gamer the stroppy blonde.

"HA! I got 154! Suck on that, bitch!"

"It's not over yet." Matt stated, throwing Guitar Hero Modern Hits at his friend. they switched the games over and began to play... **(Note; this chapter is already the longest and it isn't finished yet :D)**

They chose All My Life by the Foo Fighters, it was an epic song. Matt had wanted to do Chelsea Dagger, but Mello was being a bitch and wanted to do All My Life, so that's what they decided on.

_All my life I've been searching for something,_

The start was the hardest bit to play, even though they were on easy, they had to strum really fast on the yellow fret to do the intro. Then there were two-finger chords and extremely fast hammer ons and hammer offs that were a bugger to play. Then, in the chorus, there were just chords with the occasional note.

_I'm nothing but a hypnotist_

Matt was headbanging furiously whilst playing, trying to show off, then it went into the hard intro bit again.

_All my life, I've been searching for something._

_Done, done, I'm onto the next one_

_I'm nothing but a hypnotist_

_Done, done, I'm onto the next one,_

_Done, I'm done and I'm onto the next!_

They finished with a chord and ran around the room, celebrating.

"125896!"

"125896!"

"WHAT!"

"We... both have the same score..."

"Can I still get the chocolate?" (Guess who)

"...Okay...But how the hell did we tie, that's virtually impossible!" Matt handed Mello his chocolate bar.

"Oh yeah, you said I'd get an extra gift for saying that 'you'd beat me'. What is it?"

"Close your eyes and put your hands out." Matt instructed.

Mello felt a slight pressure on his lips for a few seconds, but when he opened his eyes, Matt was nowhere to be seen. Damn him and his insanely fast running. Mello licked his lips and was sure he could taste cigarette smoke. Had Matt really done... that?

**Yay! Yaoi MxM :)**

**I was listening to All My Life whilst writing that bit, so the lyrics may be slightly off, as I did it by ear. I have about seven ideas for Matt and Mello fanfics, five are inspired from songs, all of them are Green Day :) I have a few for Linkin Park as well, like Runaway and Forgotten.**

**I work my ass off to make these chapters, this one was 1366 words, and I actually beta-ed it for once! Come on! The very least you could do is review, it's Christmas, so please be charitable!**


	9. 9th December - Flashback Time!

**A/N: HI, Misguided Shinigami here. This plot bunny hit me and I was literally like :O This is gonna be hilarious! It may turn out a little dark in places because I'm listening to My Chemical Romance, of current, the song is 'Thank You For The Venom', one of my favourites :D It's snowing, so i may be off of school *celebration* and will; be able to update more often :D**

**I'm working on a Skulduggery Pleasant and Death Note Crossover, as well as a The Enemy series and Death Note series (The Enemy – zombie books ^^)**

**Title:**** A chocoholic, a gamer and a school for villains**

**Rating:**** T, for language, Mello and general violence**

**Summary:**** After an unfortunate ****_incident_ including Near, the snow and a misunderstanding, Matt and Mello are kicked out of Wammy's House - a school for future detectives - and sent to HIVE – a school for future super villains. How will their transfer affect Otto, Wing, Laura and Shelby. And how on earth will Matt and Mello cope with going from future detectives to future villains? Mello still wants to be the best, and Matt still wants to laze around on his ass all day, but will the new circumstances allow them to? MattXMello OttoXLaura**

**Main Characters:**** Matt and Mello**

"Mello..." Matt sighed deeply before inhaling another lungful of toxic smoke and exhaling deeply. "This is going to fail, and it won't even be epically. Also, we're out here in the freezing cold. There are various things wrong with this. Number one: I _hate_ the outdoors. Number two: I don't have my bodywarmer after you fucking burnt it yesterday as a 'sacrifice'. I don't even _want_ to know what you were giving a sacrifice for, we are NOT ancient Egyptians. My last point is this: WE ARE IN England, IT'S ALWAYS FUCKING FREEZING! AND IT'S SNOWING! I'M FREEZING!" The gamer yelled at the blonde, whom was only a few metres away. Matt sincerely wished that he had permanently damaged hearing.

"Shh.. This is the best plan ever. It shall not fail, and you are helping no matter what, because you are my bitch, got that. Do you remember the plan?"

"Jeez, Mells, How could I _not_ remember that failure of a plan..."

_Flashback timezz_

"Okay, so we get Near to come outside, shove him in the snow and quickly bury him in the snow, got it. Nobody will realise because he's like a chameleon when it comes to blending in with snow." Mello said to matt as they stood on the roof, contemplating Mello's 'Genius' plan.

"... Okay... But Mells, chameleons only change colour because of their mood, not to blend in."

"Well, the gnat has no emotions, like a blank canvas, so he'd be white anyway. I'm the genius here, dumbass. even if we live in a orphanage for geniuses, I'm still the clevererest."

"...Mello, firstly, work on plurals, it's _genii_, not _geniuses_. Secondly, clevererest isn't a word."

"Shut up Matt, you obviously don't realise my intellect."

"Actually, I obviously don't realise how you are in a school for genii." Matt said, throwing a large, very hard snowball at his friend's leather-coated back.

"Oh, you are soooo dead." Mello threw a snowball at Matt. Whom was a lot weaker than Mello. the snowball hit him with the force of a monster truck on steroids and Matt went flying...

Still flying..

Still flying...

Flying over the edge of the building..

Falling.

Mello had a face that was too hard to describe in words, but it looked like all of the following faces put together:

:O

o.O

:D

He was shocked, had a huge eye and a large happy grin at his superiority in snowball fights, something he could probably beat Near in. It took a while for the fact to sink in that Matt had just gone flying over the far-to-low safety rail, and was plummeting to the floor, five stories up.

"Oh _shit_." Mello said as he raced to the rail and watched helplessly as Matt fell to the snow-coated floor with a large crash. the seven inches of snow had somewhat softened his fall, but hell, that was gonna hurt in the morning. Mello's eyes went extra wide as he saw Matt sit up, rub his head and get up before climbing back up onto the roof.

"Mello... THAT HURT LIKE SHIT, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD! I DO SHIT FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? IF IT HADN'T BEEN SNOWING, I WOULD OF FUCKING DIED! I'VE PROBAB;LY BROKE MY BACK AND I HAVE A CONCUSSION YOU STUPID BLONDE MAN-WHORE!"

_flashback end_

"Yeah.." Matt said, rubbing his head. "That really did hurt Mello. I'm not buying your chocolate for the next three months, no cocoa whatsoever, not even hot chocolate, no pocky, nothing with any cocoa-flavouring, NOTHING!" Matt smirked. they were currently hiding in a bush near to the door that Near was about to come out from. And how did they know when and why Near was going to come outside, I hear you cry. Well...

A toy helicopter burst out of the conveniently open door. It was one of those helicopters that can pick light objects up, and, under the control of Matt from the bush, using a webcam, he had controlled it so that it would 'accidently' knock over Near's dice tower of London before grabbing his precious Lego set and flying away, forcing near to follow it to retrieve the Lego set. As planned, Near burst out of the door, uncharacteristically fast after the helicopter. Matt and Mello jumped out of the bush to – if you will excuse the obvious pun - ambush him. unfortunately, Roger had realised that the boys had been missing and came out after Near, just in time to see them coming out of the bush. Roger and Near wore 'WTF' faces as Near retrieved his Lego.

Then Roger spoke. "Boys, if you want to do _that_, do it in your own room, not somewhere where anyone could walk by and see. Don't worry, here at Wammy's House we are fine with homosexuality." It was Mello and Matt's turn to have 'WTF' faces as they turned red and looked disgusted. they looked down at themselves, Matt was in a state after the fall, with the fact that his bodywarmer wasn't with him, and the neck of his loose t-shirt had fallen off of his shoulder from his time in the bush. He then looked at Mello, who was wearing a very small leather vest thing and tight leather trousers. For Mello, he looked pretty normal. Mello muttered in Matt's ear.

"Getting caught doing this is better than getting caught for what we were doing, make it convincible." He grabbed Matt's hand, whom blushed, partially from the cold. Mello attacked matt with a full-on lip-lock, Matt's eyes widened. Roger walked away. Mello let Matt out of the kiss as soon as Roger was gone.

"Hmm.. it appears that we know who the 'Uke' and 'Seme' are in this relationship." Near noted. Matt and Mello nodded at each other and shoved Near in the snow, grabbing the shovels that they had hidden behind the bush and began to bury him alive. Roger came back out again.

"Boys... WAIT! What are you doing to Near, don't do _that_ to other children if they are unwilling. You may do that to each other, but once again, in your own room. What have you got to say for yourselves?"

"If you were a Pokémon, you would be called 'Paedoophilious', your ability would be shitty timing, and nobody would dare to catch you because they would think that they would be raped." Matt said sharply, although, of course, nobody understood Pokémon, so his wisdom was wasted on lunatics and a blonde man-whore.

"THAT'S IT, YOU LITTLE CUNTS! GET OUT OF WAMMYS HOUSE AND FUCK YOUR DEAD PARENTS GRAVES!" Roger yelled, completely out of character. "I'M SENDING YOU TO SOME OTHER SHITTY SCHOOL THAT RAISES THE NEXT GENERATION OF KIRAS AND VILLAINS ALIKE! PACK YOUR BAGS AND GET OUT!"

"Can I take the chocolate in the kitchen?"

"Yeah, sure thing, sweetie!" Roger smiled sweetly like the pedophile he is.

"Can I take the Xbox and that special laptop you save for L?"

"Only if you treat me.." Roger gave them 'the smile'. Matt and Mello hit him over the head with their shovels.

"Oh, and Near, we are _not_ gay." Mello said, although he kind of enjoyed the kiss with Matt.

An hour and three-hundred chocolate bars later, the two were walking out of the gates when Near caught up with them.

"I was kicked out for raping Linda, I'm coming :D"

"Okay :D" Matt said, unfazed that _Near_ had _raped_ someone.

"Don't eat my chocolate!" Mello said, hitting Near, whom was nibbling on a bar of Hershey's.

And off they went, climbing into a dodgy-looking Taxi and driving off to an airport and taking a random helicopter to simeplace in the middle of the Ocean.

"LOOK OUT H.I.V.E., I, MELLO, ALONG WITH MY COMRADE, MATT AND A SHEEP ARE COMING TO RUIN YOUR LIVES!"

**I seriously didn't think that'd be so crack-ish. I may as well make the whole story crack.**

**Next Chapter: Me, Two Albinos and Two Computer Nerds**

**Please review, I spent ages on this, and you really don't need to have read Hive to read this fic, btw, it's pure crack :)**

**i could be out in the snow, but instead, i am typing this.**

**REVIEWS ARE CHOCOLATE TO ME!**


End file.
